Tradition

 

Every evening when I receive my care, part of my routine is to have pressure relief, I get this by being hoisted in my insitu sling up in the air. I call it hanging and I stay there for twenty minutes each day. I started being hoisted in December 2017 and it was during these pressure relieving sessions that I really started to get to know more about my carers. People’s culture and heritage has always fascinated me, I suppose it stems way back to my scouting days and being part of two World Scout Jamborees.

Recently two of the carers have left my current care company and me being me asked if we could stay in touch, as a result we have had a fascinating conversation about traditional Namibian and Nigerian weddings. I am sure I can not be the only one interested, so I thought I would write a blog and share everything I’ve learnt. There is so much to talk about I have decided to split it into two separate blogs. So here is the first one which is all about a traditional Namibian wedding. I feel as though I could take part in Mastermind with my specialist subject as Namibian weddings.

 

So here goes:

Firstly the groom will tell his Uncle, Mother or Father (who ever he is comfortable with) that he has a woman that he has been seeing and would like to marry her (Okuye kuyakisa omuriro-  direct translation ‘to come and make fire’-  that's the first duty of a married women in the village).
His elders/parents will arrange between themselves, who will go to ask her parents for her hand in marriage on behalf of the groom (the bride is not involved only her elder/parents). In most cases the bride will not know that the groom had sent his parents to her parents, she will only know once her parents tell her. This process is done over three different meetings and can take anything from a few months or up to three years depending on how strict the bride's family are. The first meeting is called Ozondjamba which directly translates to a little gossip, this can be held anywhere with the brides family but most likely to be at the brides uncles house.

 

The second meeting is the official one where the grooms family goes to the main home of the brides family in the village. When the grooms family approach the gate into the village they start crawling on their hands and knees until they reach the brides elders house. Once at the house they will greet the family and tell them who they are there for.

If the family agree to give their daughter away, at the third meeting the brides family will say the date of the wedding and the Lobola amount (Money and Cattle) is told. Normally his parents will agree an amount close to 20 US Dollars as a way of opening negotiations between the two families. Later on the two families sit for the official negotiations, (Known as Lobola negotiations, which is similar to a dowry) and the bride price is agreed upon. The bride price is a fee that his family prepares and presents to her family on the wedding day as gratitude for giving them the bride. It normally includes two cows and money of around 200 US Dollars depending on the families wealth. After these negotiations the two are now officially engaged.

 

The woman’s family will then sit down among themselves to plan and set a date for the wedding day. A male family member (usually the father) will volunteer or be chosen to take care of the wedding and the bride. They will be sponsoring the wedding including the bride's outfits. Later on her family tells his family the date they've agreed upon.

 

A Namibian wedding takes three days from Friday to Sunday. On the last Wednesday before the wedding weekend the groom and some of his family will camp in tents behind the bride's homestead at the village. This is done partly because if the groom is late on the day of the wedding the agreed Lobola price is increased.
On the Friday (the first day of the wedding weekend) all the groom's family and friends will camp behind the bride's homestead far away from the bride's family and friends who also camp. 

The groom and bride are not allowed to meet during the whole weekend until the Sunday morning when the bride will be officially given as a wife. However the groom will sometimes see the bride during the early hours just after midnight on Friday and Saturday. He is not supposed to be seen by the bride's family/friends so he sneaks in and out whilst everyone is asleep and hopes that nobody has seen him before the sun comes up! On Friday afternoon after everyone has arrived the grooms family/elders (excluding the groom) will be called by the brides family to pay the Lobola and put the wedding ring on the brides finger. It’s the grooms female cousin who puts the ring on the bride rather than the groom himself. The bride is not allowed to go out of the house for the whole week, she only goes out during the late hours of the night in the bushes (when nature calls) and she is not to be seen by anyone, although as I have already said they do break the rules.

The brides family will be performing some traditional activities of singing and dancing in front of the homestead usually at the holy fire or near the holy fire. Cattle will be slaughtered and some parts will be taken behind the brides homestead to the grooms family to show that they are now one and can join together. This will be the time that the grooms family and brides family will be allowed to enjoy the wedding together.  

 

The young people enjoy getting together and partying between the homesteads, but of course the bride is not allowed outside and she should cover her face with a veil for the whole wedding.
The groom is not allowed to be moving around too much either and he has to be seated at all times as a result his age-mates (a male born in the same year) will usually do everything for him.
In the early hours of the Sunday the grooms family will be called again by the brides family to come in front of the homestead, this time everyone goes including the groom. The groom is always accompanied by his age-mates. Sunday morning is the day that the bride is officially given to the groom and his family as a wife. 

When the grooms family reaches the homestead they have to move very slowly and quietly to show respect (some strict families will delay the wedding by days if the grooms family fail to submit or show respect). Once at the homestead everyone sits in front of the main house and the brides family will give the bride some encouragement and guidance (this can take hours of talking) on how to behave as a wife and as a daughter to her new family. Then the groom is finally presented with his wife, everyone starts making noise and shouting in celebration, that then concludes the wedding.