Shannon’s turn to takeover my blog

When you’re born you tend to have two categories of people that immediately surround you: your family and your parents friends. As you go through your first year of life you normally make other friends, through things such as baby clubs, and babies of your Mum and Dads friends. Well in traditional Dean style I decided that normal was overrated, and at 6 months old I shared my first brand new friend with my mum, her new mate MS. Obviously being 6 months old,  mums new mate was a bit of a mystery to me. It made my adventurous mummy more sleepy, so sometimes she couldn’t get out of bed. Now in all fairness I can’t imagine baby me hating this, because I wasn’t doing much more than that anyway.

So as I grew up I had this weird friend for life that came as an added extra to my mum whether we liked it or not. Now I’ll be blunt if you’d asked young Shannon on how she felt about it all, you’d get a surprisingly positive answer. We got to see so many cool places that people don’t normally get to see, because disabled access lifts never seem to be in view of the general public. I got a free ride if mum was in her wheelchair and we got to park really close to all the shops.

Even when Mum had a major relapse and ended up in hospital there were still positives. Dad would take me to the park, then we’d go and see mum, or I’d get too see whichever one of my grandparents that were willing to deal with a very loud slightly confused toddler. Plus after about a week or so of mum being in hospital, I was brought a new tea set for my teddy bear picnics. As simple as all that sounds, my tiny brain didn’t understand the gravity of what was going on around me, all I knew is that mummy was away and I was getting showered with love.

 

I can’t ever imagine how hard it was for my parents to explain mums MS to me when I was young, I remember (and still have) most of the books they read to me to help explain it all. They were so open and honest with me when I asked questions, and I don’t remember it ever being overly sugar coated. There were definitely times I didn’t get it. I remember calling mum a scaredy-cat for not climbing a step ladder when we were decorating the bedroom, not quite understanding that ladders require balance, and MS isn’t the best of mates with that. In true stubbornness (now you know where I get it from) my mum decided to prove me wrong by throwing herself out of an airplane, because you know, who needs balance when you’re falling out of the sky, plus controlled falling was something Mum had definitely mastered by this point.

As baby Shannon grew up, I started to see the downsides. My mum couldn’t come and play with me in the park all the time, and sometimes people would look at us funny, when mum would get out the car and stumble a bit; they’d make a snap negative assumption about her until they saw the walking stick. I never understood that mean look my mum would get as a child, I just knew it was mean. As I got older, I’ve realised that these people were assuming mum was a stumbling drunk with a young child who was so irresponsible. They jumped to the worst conclusion, until they saw the walking stick. I remember wishing that mums mate MS had a body just to show them how wrong they were.

  Growing up, and growing into a young Carer is a weird experience if I’m completely honest. You watch the person who is by definition meant to care for you struggle, and the roles can sometimes be reversed. People call you brave or an inspiration for just being yourself and living your life. To me it was just the twisted path I was on. In my eyes I wasn’t anything special, I’d grown up sharing a mate with my mum (and obviously my dad, and the rest of our family) and that was that. Okay, this could be a toxic friend who would take far more from us all than they gave, but they also taught me some very valuable life lessons. I was angry at times for it taking my childhood away, for hurting my family, and for making me find a slightly different way through life to some of my friends. I was scared that the women I love was having bits of her past life and independence stripped away from her bit by bit. I was slightly miffed that mums beta-interferon was taking up fridge space and made airport security take forever. 

But then I was inspired by my parents strength and determination to continue through what sometimes felt like a living hell. I was learning so many new skills, and had learnt to stand on my own two feet. I was dead proud to share this friend with my mum because she was the one running that friendship. Most importantly of all, despite everything I was loved. Love is one of those magical things that can get you through anything. It got us through hospital admissions, held us strong as mums independence was pulled away from her, and it gave me strength to follow my dreams to become a nurse.

 

Starting secondary school I was scared, and knew secretly mum was too – were people going to bully me because my mum was different, was I still going to help mum out and do my school work? The answer to the latter was yes, whether I liked it or not. My parents were determined that MS wasn’t an excuse to fail, and that as a family we were more than capable of managing, which we definitely did. Mums second trip into hospital in 2010 wasn’t even going to be a barrier. I’d go in and visit and be asked about school. On a Sunday I’d get fed brain food by the wife of one of mums fellow patients. I was wrapped up by this new incredible family and pushed to success. I magically winged my way through my GCSEs, and with actual effort completed my A levels and got into university to become a nurse.

 

In all honesty, I was absolutely terrified to go off to uni, I was in my eyes abandoning the people who needed me the post just to follow a dream I wasn’t even sure I’d make it too. What sort of daughter was I to be leaving my mum, who by this time was wheelchair bound and needed carers in, just to hope I was smart enough to be a nurse? How could I even call myself a daddy’s girl, when I was leaving him to handle everything changing without me? I thought I was selfishly ripping down the pillar of the support network that we’d built up as a family through all the years with mums mate MS. But, and it’s a big but, I was loved and my dreams were valid, and my family is flipping strong. So I was lovingly pushed out the door via a cuddle and sent off to university in London. All those skills I’d learnt as a young Carer suddenly became life changing, and keeping myself alive, fed and clean while leaving away from home wasn’t going to be all that difficult. It obviously had its rubbish moments but no uni student doesn’t, that one I couldn’t blame on the MS. If anything I was and am a better nurse thanks to mums MS. It’s taught me compassion, patience and resilience. Plus I can empty a catheter and stoma half asleep at 3am on my night shifts. I will say though, I still can’t drive a wheelchair with any success!

So what was the point of me taking over this blog? Well mostly because I wanted too, it gave me something to do on my train into work, but mostly because it’s easy as a young Carer to focus on the negatives; to look back at the experiences it stripped you of, the overwhelming feeling of hopelessness, or the unbearable pain of watching the people you love suffer. Because all of that’s definitely there, it definitely hurts and definitely deserves the long list of explicits that I’ve just deleted from this sentence. However it also shaped me into the young women I am today, the nurse I am today and I’m hope someone my parents are proud of. It’s also taught me the fundamental truth that love can conquer anything. MS picked us up in a family tornado in 1999, it spat us out into this new life that no one had planned. It tried and failed to mess with my childhood, it slightly succeeded to interfere with my mental health, but at the end of it all, as a family we came out on top! 
Now dad runs a business to help others out and could probably write a book on living with a wife who has MS, he won’t but he could, and taught me that true love has no conditions. My mums writes this blog, inspires people everyday to stay strong no matter what, and has probably raised tens of thousands of pounds for charity, mostly out of stubbornness but the point still stands.

 My wider family has helped hold us all up when it felt like the ground is falling away from us. I’ve made second and third family’s from Chilterns MS centre mum goes too, and the friends she met in hospitals. I’ve met friends who finally understand what life as a young Carer is like. I hope that if you asked the patients I work with and their families, they would tell you it’s made me into a kind, caring nurse who will stand up for what’s right.