Motherhood and MS

My mate MS has been with me throughout my daughter’s childhood, do I regret it absolutely NOT! Okay our daughter was nine months old when I got my diagnosis so we never had to make that decision of whether or not to start a family when I had MS. Thank goodness I already had our daughter, the joy of a newborn baby far out ways the diagnosis of MS.

 

 Just six months of being at home with our beautiful daughter I went back to work (due to financial necessity) and for the next couple of months I experienced Optic Neuritis and Face Drop and only a couple of months after that I had my diagnosis.

I think because in the early days I was told by the professionals I needed to ensure that my MS did not become an obstacle I thought I was superwoman and could manage everything!

The primary years were magic, our daughter (SMD) was a fiercely independent sole whilst providing great entertainment and amusement, she was so loving.
 The first real lesson I learnt was if I wanted to manage everything a routine was vital but for it to work I needed to inform the school and my workplace of my MS. The second lesson I learnt was to except help, the friends I made in the school playground I am still friends with today and because I told work about my MS they were able to introduce flexible working even 16 years ago. Thankfully whilst SMD was at primary school my MS remained relatively well behaved.

Being such a tuned in little person at the age of six she soon became mum’s little helper not because I asked her to be but because she wanted to be. My network of support was growing and between friends and family SMD was cared for after school each day leaving my husband and I being able to work.

We were able to travel to France each summer holiday for two weeks, enabling us to have a well earned rest. I found that staying in a static caravan provided everything I needed to cater for my MS. Two weeks of rest and natural Vitamin D and time with my family was certainly the right medicine for me.

The time came for SMD to leave primary school and start secondary school.

 

Up until she was in year 5, I was able to walk independently it was only in year 6 that I needed to use a rollator. It was a tough time admitting I needed assistance but I was so glad I did it whilst SMD was at primary school and I was surrounded by friends that knew me and I had the confidence to be seen in the school playground. It was made easier as my boss at work (I worked for a Accident Management Company) he sent my boring grey rollator away to a garage and it came back sprayed in Lamborghini purple with a silver fleck. Starting secondary school was going to be tough for both SMD and myself, before starting in the September the whole of year 6 who would be going to the same secondary school had an evening of meeting the teachers. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t daunted by walking into a huge school hall surrounded by people I didn’t know (I had already rung the school to discuss accessibility, and because of it’s age it wasn’t so special adaptations needed to be made) but firstly I was a Mum and my job was to ensure SMD felt okay. So whilst her Dad and I spent time in convincing her everything would be fine and not to worry inside I was petrified! The evening went well, we were introduced to her form teacher by the head of year - it’s pretty obvious when walking with a rollator that I have a condition, so I came clean and told them immediately about my MS. I am so glad I did. As a Mum you cannot underestimate the challenges a young person goes through whilst growing up, it starts with puberty and secondary school especially the demands that is put on them for SMD she had an additional factor my MS.

In 2010 I had to give up work, work referred me to the groups doctor and he gave me a thorough examination which resulted in him giving me the prognoses that I was no longer fit for work. It was at this point I wished that when I changed jobs two years prior I had joined the pension scheme as I could have been retired through ill health. The pressure was on SMD started secondary school I was no longer working and bang I had a relapse and before I knew it I was in Hospital.

 

 My husband and SMD visited daily, I felt crap but most of all I felt guilty. Soon I was transferred to a rehab Hospital not long after I had been there my hubby and SMD proudly told me she had started her periods (a time when every Mum wants to be by her daughter’s side). I was so proud of her, we had talked about everything with her and my hubby is a real hands on dad and none of it phased him at all, so all was okay.

 

My friend even came over from New Zealand before I was discharged, it wasn’t long before we all got into a routine. Another example of how important it is to have a good support network. Before I knew it SMD was taking her GCSE’s and the pressure was really on, trying to mix life with all the study and feeling it’s important to support your Mum must have been hard. SMD suffered with her mental health whilst at school and still does until this day. I cannot put my hand on my heart and say it has nothing to do with my MS because I am sure that along with all the other pressures life brings I am sure having a Mum with MS doesn’t help.

 

SMD left school with the qualifications she needed to get to University and study Children’s Nursing. A three year course, loads of hard work but one that was manageable with the support of her Mum and Dad. A very proud moment as a mother (especially a menopausal one) when SMD graduated.

 

Now working in a London Hospital SMD lives an independent life with her partner but I’m so pleased to say motherhood does not stop just because she doesn’t live at home, we see each other and talk regularly on Messenger and I along with my husband are always there for her. Like so many of us she also still has issues with her mental health but that’s okay because as long as we keep talking and getting the support we need.

Motherhood is hard whether you have MS or not. Personally I don’t know what it’s like to have MS and then have to make the choice of whether or not to have children, what I do know is I wouldn’t swap motherhood for anything. I must admit I do think what if SMD ever gets diagnosed with MS as it scares me.