Mental health

Earlier today I posted about my 2020, what I didn’t include was the effect it had on my mental health. After 4 months of lockdown everything was starting to reopen and I messaged the OT at the  Chilterns MS Centre and explained to her I was really struggling, admitting it was half the battle. I must admit I broke down in tears but to be honest that is not uncommon for me because add into the equation my menopause and bingo you have a wreck of a middle aged woman. Luckily the MS Centre has a fully qualified counsellor on their team, I was added to her list and soon I began the 12 week course which was held over Zoom.

I thought I was going into it fully prepared but I have to say the first session proved not only emotional but mentally exhausting. I had not appreciated how intense and how thought provoking it all was going to be. I knew I had had a tough 3 years following my relapse but I wasn’t prepared for so many things to be broken down into bite size pieces and then discussed in full but that is exactly what happened over the next 10 weeks.

Each week after the Zoom call I found the best way to manage my feelings was to go out with my husband for a walk and we would chat through the things I had been talking about with my counsellor. Over the following weeks the tears became less and I was starting to feel more positive. I was even thinking that perhaps I was the kind thoughtful person that people kept telling me I was. Then it came to the week where we talked through my feelings about my emergency laparotomy where I went from managing my ‘number twos’ with the aid of a Peristien to having a stoma and when I went down for the operation the anaesthetist said to both myself and my husband “that you really have to be prepared for the fact Julie will not survive, MS and 6 hour operations and a general anaesthetic are not a good combination, give her a kiss” with that I was wheeled off. Obviously as I am writing this blog I made it! It is my husband that had the though deal as he had to sit through the 6 hours waiting for the phone call and when the did ring he didn’t know whether it was good or bad news. So now I was in the situation where I had an SPC and a stoma, unfortunately 6 months after the operation I was readmitted to Hospital with a blockage and had to have another laparotomy the surgeon was much more confident that I would have no problems with the general anaesthetic judging what happened last time. One year on and with the help of my counsellor I have made friends with my stoma, which I actually named Steven ( with a ‘V’ because it sounds harder). My counsellor made me realise how bigger change it was and me writing about it has actually helped.

There were lots of other issues but when dealt with individually they are manageable.

There have been many programs on the tv recently about mental health and it’s true it’s ok not to be ok, be kind to yourself and above all talk to people you trust and share your worries.

A huge thank you to my counsellor and the Chilterns MS Centre you have really helped me and my mate MS xx

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